The Deviance of Compliments

(Submitted for publication in the Southern Utah University HSS Journal. Awaiting reply.)

Abstract:

          The Deviance of Compliments is a breaching experiment that investigates the deviance of an otherwise desirable event, the giving of compliments to others. Over the course of a few months, 42 women customers and employees of KB Express convenience store located at 734 South Main Street in Cedar City, Utah were given sincere compliments and their reactions were recorded for their quantitative elements and then analyzed for their qualitative relevance. Surprising results were found as to conclude that the act of giving compliments, which individuals are taught throughout life to be an act one should perform, has somehow become a deviation from the norm which ironically is to not give sincere compliments. For visual references to the events of this study, please refer to tables 1 and 2 as well as the site map.

Intro: Breaching Experiments

          The study of human behavior has been the topic of conversation amongst social scientists since the beginning of the discipline. Harold Garfinkel was a pioneer in this field with what he called ethnomethodology, which is the study of the day-to-day actions of human beings, what one does normally and subconsciously. In order to test his theories and to better understand the daily social interactions of people, Garfinkel devised and orchestrated what he referred to as breaching experiments. These experiments were designed to violate the norms of everyday life in order to see how people react when something offsets the daily activities that they take for granted. One of his better-known studies involved elevators; in which, Garfinkel's volunteers would stand in an elevator facing the back wall, breaching the norm of facing the door. In most cases, he found that when a new person entered the elevator, after a short period of confusion in some cases, they would face the same direction as everybody else. Researchers and bored college students alike have repeated this study countless times, but the results remain largely the same; people conform to the newly established norm with little to no question. Harold Garfinkel performed numerous other studies to understand social interaction, thus paving the way for future researchers to devise their own studies in pursuit of academic knowledge.

          The key problem in breaching experiments is that it generally uses a convenience sampling method out in a field site. Under certain circumstances, a laboratory test may be possible. However, the Hawthorn effect may change the behavior of the participants being studied.

          The key to any breaching experiment is the level of analysis, a researcher cannot study a small populous and make large-scale inferences. Therefore, each generalization given in this report applies only to the members within the study, as broad societal generalizations cannot be taken from this case study due to it not including each demographic of society at large. Also, it is unknown if a breaching experiment, or any other study, has yet been performed on this topic. This study may very well be a pioneering study on an otherwise unexplored form of positive deviance.

Direct vs. Indirect Compliments:

          With the permission of the store manager, various customers were complimented directly and indirectly and their responses were documented. A compliment is "a remark that says something good about someone or something" (Merriam-Webster inc. 2013). Therefore, a direct compliment to a person would be directly complimenting a person's physical, mental, social, or emotional characteristic, such as saying that a person has a pretty face. An indirect compliment is complimenting something associated with an individual, thereby inferring a compliment to the person. An example of this is saying that someone is wearing nice shoes, inferring that they have good taste in shoes and/or a good fashion sense.

Theories and Hypotheses:

          In American society, there is a tendency to avoid direct compliments, with many individuals choosing to use the indirect option. Indirect compliments also are rarely given, but not to the extreme of direct compliments. The original theory of this study was that sincere compliments are a dying breed and that insincere compliments are taking their place as social obligations that lubricate social interaction, leading to the hypothesis that direct compliments will be better received than indirect compliments. This hypothesis was created with the belief that direct compliments are becoming more and more rare, thus making them more valuable. As it is a common misconception that men do not compliment women unless they are flirting, this study began with the theory that a man complimenting a woman in a direct way would yield results of flattery as well as discomfort on the part of the recipient. It was also theorized that indirect compliments would yield little more than programmed and obligatory responses that are becoming the social norm. Men were not complimented directly nor indirectly as part of this study as the focus was on male-female interactions, the perceived race and social class of the women studied was also an excluded factor. This study was designed to violate the social norm of compliment giving, as the researcher would be giving sincere compliments to women without the motivation of flirtation nor would these compliments be merely social obligations to make conversation run more smoothly. These compliments were given honestly and during regular interaction as clerk and customer.

Procedure:

          In order to gauge the responses of female individuals, 42 women were complimented (21 directly and 21 indirectly). Each individual was encountered while the researcher was standing at the register acting as cashier. There were three points of contact, register A, register B and register C (see site map). While ringing up their order, the researcher proceeded to engage the customer in conversation and give one direct or indirect compliment during this interaction. After the compliment was given, the researcher observed the body language of the individual as well as paid attention to the intonation of their voice. During the experiment, several direct and indirect compliments were given which varied widely. The direct compliments included remarks on physical, emotional, and social characteristics; the indirect compliments were directed at personal items such as shoes, jewelry, and clothing. The compliments given were not recorded, as the responses to them were the point of interest.

Findings:

          The most common response to both the direct and indirect compliments was "thank you" followed by "thanks" with a few individuals refraining from saying any words of gratitude, but rather saying how they felt or deflecting the compliment.

In regards to direct compliments, most individuals seemed to have a response of initial confusion and/or surprise, followed by signs of flattery such as smiles, heightened demeanor, raised intonation of voice, and body movements such as cocking of the head or bouncing while walking. In most cases of clerk customer interaction when compliments were not given, when the transaction has finished the conversation also terminated. In the case of direct compliments however, there were a few customers who not only continued the conversation but also started new ones in an effort to prolong the interaction. One individual slapped her chest in joy and exclaimed how the compliment made her day.

          The level of sincerity varied widely with no correlation to the age of the individual. There were however distinct differences between direct and indirect responses. In the case of direct compliments, over half of the responses were perceived to be sincere; four seemed to be programmed with little to no thought needed for response. Oddly, three responses seemed obligatory, as if it were a requirement or even a burden to say thank you. In the case of indirect compliments, 13 responses were perceived to be programmed, seven seemed to be sincere, and only one appeared obligatory. This data seems to support the original hypothesis that direct compliments would be better received than indirect compliments. A noteworthy point of data is that only the individuals that gave a sincere response showed a strong increase in their overall mood. The only two exceptions to this were a woman who deflected the comment away with a joke and Ramona Rose (name has been changed) who gave a response that seemed sincere yet programmed at the same time. Ramona was complimented by saying that her name, which was found on the credit card she handed the researcher to pay for her merchandise, was very beautiful. Ramona did not agree; her mood seemed to increase as she received the compliment but then decreased as she informed the researcher that her husband constantly comments that it is a stripper's name.

          All responses that resulted in no mood change were either programmed or obligatory. Not too surprisingly, there were two children that seemed to be uncomfortable with the compliment, as children tend to be shy with strangers; their mood did however seem to increase after they moved closer to their mother for emotional support.

Reflection:

          While giving these compliments I (the researcher) felt happy that I could bring happiness to the lives of strangers. I also felt annoyed when they shrugged me off with a programmed response that meant nothing; it did however bring to my attention my own habit of programmed responses. The most fortunate event in the study, in regards to personal reflection, was when I was the recipient of two compliments, first an indirect, then a direct. Two teenage girls entered the store and commenced their shopping. After having selected their items, they proceeded to the checkout counter where I was located at register B. We engaged in polite conversation where I interacted in my usual light hearted fashion. I overheard one of the girls comment quietly to her friend, "and he's cute too" which made me feel flattered; I pretended not to hear the comment. One of them commented that I was very funny to which I gave the humorous response of, "looks have nothing to do with this" at which they laughed. After the transaction was completed, the girls began to leave and one of them turned to me and said, "thank you for being so charming." This compliment made my day! In a job that requires constant interaction with people that usually results in emotionless conversation which serves as nothing more than social lubricants, it felt nice to have an honest conversation that culminated in a validation of my membership in the human race, rather than to be interacted with as an automaton. This experience also gave me a unique insight into the mindset of the members of my study. I was unprepared for the encounter so my feelings towards and reactions to the compliments were unbiased. Even now (several weeks later) I still feel joy looking back at the event, I feel that it is safe to assume that the recipients of my compliments may feel the same.

Analysis:

          It is reasonable to assume that, as Americans, the members of this study acted and reacted in the ways that they did due to the social norms of the American culture. The initial response of thank you or thanks being the predominant reply would suggest that it is a programmed verbal norm designed to facilitate social interaction. In grade school children are taught that they should always say please and thank you, which often results in young children insisting that they should receive something because they said please or rudely taking it while they say please. Children seem to be taught less and less the importance of politeness and are just taught to say the words.

          Each compliment was given as a clerk to a customer and resulted in several programmed and obligatory responses. It could be assumed that the compliments were perceived as less sincere due to the fact that the researcher was supposed to interact with the members of the study due to the customer service position of the job. If the compliment were to be in a different social context, such as walking up to a stranger on the street, the perception of the recipient may be more to the polarized extremes. The first extreme would be that of sincerity, with the recipient feeling that the compliment was truly given out of kindness with no ulterior motives. The other would be confusion and discomfort due to having received a compliment without having had a prior conversation with or meeting with the person. It would also be noteworthy to mention that the degree to which the researcher knew each person complimented could affect the response as well. In this study, most of the individuals complimented were not regular customers, so the compliment was given on the first or second interaction. This seemed to have two results. The first was that the person was more flattered than they would have had there been a previous relationship because the researcher took the time to go out of their way to give a sincere compliment. The second response seemed to be that of disregard for the compliment, as if they believed that it was given by obligation due to the researchers employed position.

          The initial confusion and or surprise that each recipient expressed could be due to the changing social standard of Americans in not giving direct compliments as much as the, seemingly less sincere, indirect compliments; basically, people are receiving compliments less so when they do receive one it is a rare occasion that takes them by surprise. This is accentuated with the few customers that continued or started new conversations desiring to prolong the encounter. It clearly brought them happiness and they wanted more; this could have been simply a pleasant experience or an infrequent one, the value of which became greater due to its rarity. With only the individuals that gave sincere responses showing signs of increased mood, it is reasonable to believe that, in these individuals, when a compliment increases one's mood the person becomes truly grateful. The few that seemed to give an obligatory response appeared to illustrate social exchange theory; they did not feel that they were benefiting from their social interaction with the researcher so they withdrew from the exchange, giving the socially acceptable responses of gratitude in order to lubricate the interaction. With the woman who deflected the compliment away using humor, she used a form of sublimation, which is "...the channeling of unacceptable impulses, thoughts and emotions into more acceptable ones" (Grohol 2013). She used a joke as a way of reducing the uncomfortable emotions brought on by being complimented directly. Potentially she receives compliments so infrequently that she does not know how to accept them. A sadder, and more likely possibility, is that she received so few compliments over her life that her self-esteem is now so low that she must deflect the compliment away from herself as she feels that she is unworthy to receive the compliment. In the extreme case of Ramona Rose, her name is an aspect of noteworthy compliment and was by her own admission, something to be confidant about; Ramona however, viewed it as a depressing aspect of her life thanks to the rude association that her husband created for it.

          One's viewpoint of the compliment depends on the circumstances by which it is surrounded. If the characteristic being complimented directly, or association given via indirect compliment, is something that the person is proud of or otherwise views as a compliment worthy aspect of their sense of self, then their mood will increase as they receive validation of their perception regarding that characteristic. However, if they perceive it as objectionable or contempt worthy, then their mood will decrease as they feel others have coupled them to something undesirable. If there is no emotional attachment to the compliment, whether by viewing it as insincere or a compliment on an aspect of their character that they have neutral feelings about, then there will be little to no change in their mood. With emotion and sincerity slowly diminishing in social interactions, the norms of basic manners, please, thank you, holding the door for someone, etc. are remaining constant. The words and acts that once were central to civilized social interaction endure even with the changing of social norms, values, and customs. It would seem that these niceties of American culture have become more subconscious than matters of choice; adults do them without thought, teach them to their children, who in turn do them without knowing exactly why. In the few instances that this subconscious norm is broken and a nicety, such as a compliment, are given sincerely and with no thought of reward, the mind either registers it as a social lubricant without sincerity as it registers all other blank gestures, or it properly identifies it as a gesture of fellowship from one human being to another. In the case of the latter, the mood increases, the mind lightens, and for a moment, the mundane monotony of the world ceases to impose its ever-present self on the heart of the individual. As I unsuspectingly became a subject in my own research project, I found that the stresses of life and the calamities of the world all disappear like darkness in the face of the sun when a heartfelt compliment is given from an unsuspecting stranger who, for a moment, becomes closer than a friend, for giving that precious gift of kindness.

Future Research:

          This study has helped gather information and insight into the mindset of compliments with potential repercussions into society as a whole. As this study was performed using a nonprobability, convenience sampling method of data gathering, generalizations cannot be made on a societal level. However, utilizing the data of this study and the inferences about its members can help guide future research that can use a more accurate probability sampling technique that would yield data with sufficient accuracy as to understand better the sociological implications of the compliment. This study did not account for race, social class, female-to-male compliments, or same sex compliment giving. These variables can all effect how different people respond to direct and indirect compliments; augmenting the parameters of the study could drastically change the results. This topic of research would not just help understand how compliments affect people on a societal level but could also be studied on an individual level. Making use of psychological research techniques, researchers could use this study and the exploratory research that would follow to better understand the mentality of individuals who receive compliments and the internal workings of their mental state. This research could lead to improving the understanding of self-esteem, interpersonal relations, and even symbolic interactionism as researchers identify how people identify and give or receive compliments comparatively between their primary and secondary groups. Compliments can raise self-esteem and social workers can use this data to help cure depression and possibly prevent egoistic suicide by helping socially integrate individuals.

Conclusion:

          It seems that social order is maintained through the use of certain social lubricants that aid in interpersonal interaction. Many of these lubricants were once done with conscious purpose for reasons of safety or friendship. Over time however, they have slowly morphed into emotionless words and actions used in an almost unconscious way that has been indoctrinated into members of society without regard as to why it was implemented in the first place. An example of this is the handshake, used in modern times to solidify business agreements, to greet new acquaintances, and to say farewell; it however, was not this way in the beginning. The handshake has been theorized to have its origins in ancient times where its use signified peace between the two individuals shaking hands; this is due to the right hand being empty, which signifies that the individuals were unarmed and meant no harm to one another (Long 2004). The act of giving compliments has sadly followed suit. While there are exceptions to this, it seems that compliment giving has diminished. Thankfully, as this study shows, there are individuals that identify when sincere compliments are being given and react in kind.

 References

Long, Bryan. 2004. "The handshake is as mysterious as it is common." CNN.com. Retrieved November 24, 2013. (http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/Movies/06/04/handshake)

Merriam-Webster, inc. 2013 "Compliment." Merriam-Webster.com. Retrieved November 24, 2013. (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/compliment)

Grohol, John M. 2013. "15 Common Defense Mechanisms." psychcentral.com. Retrieved November 26, 2013. (http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-defense-mechanisms/0001251/3)

Table 1

Direct Compliments
Number	Age	Smile	Mood	Words of gratitude	Response	Additional words/actions
1	Adult	Y	+	Thank you	Sincere	Continued conversation, livelier, signs of flattery
2	Little child	Y	+	NA	NA	Bashfully hid behind mom, afraid but smiled
3	Mature	Y	+	NA	NA	Laugh, slap heart, "you just made my day"
4	Young adult	N	=	Thank you	Obligated	NA
5	Mature	Y	+	NA	NA	Little laugh, returned the compliment
6	Mature	Y	+	Thank you	Sincere	Little laugh
7	Teen	Y	=+	Thanks	Programmed	Laugh with friends upon leaving the store (could be unrelated)
8	Senior	N	+	Thank you	Sincere	Little cheerier
9	Child	Y	+	Thank you	Sincere	NA
10	Little child	Y	~+	Thank you	Obligated	Shy away
11	Young adult	Y	+	Thank you	Sincere	Head cocked to side
12	Teen	N	=	Thank you	Programmed	NA
13	Mature	Y	+	Thank you	Sincere	Giggle, brightened demeanor
14	Teen	Y	+	Thank you	Sincere	Giggle
15	Adult	N	=	Thank you	Programmed	NA
16	Mature	Y	+	Thank you	Sincere	Friendly conversation
17	Child	Y	-+	Thank you	Obligated	Very quiet (almost inaudible), mom asked, "What do you say?", thank you came after
18	Adult	Y	+	Thank you	Sincere	Bubbly bounce
19	Adult	N	+-	Oh, well thank you	Sincere/Programmed	Didn't agree because husband says it’s a stripper's name
20	Adult	N	+	Thank you	Sincere	Continued conversation
21	Adult	N	=	Thank you	Programmed	NA

Table 2

Indirect Compliments
Number	Age	Smile	Mood	Words of gratitude	Response	Additional words/actions
1	Senior	N	=	Thank you	Obligated	NA
2	Mature	N	=	Thanks	Programmed	Looked at item after thank you to see which one it was
3	Mature	N	+	Thank you	Programmed	Made a joke
4	Adult	N	-	Thank you	Programmed	Seemed uncomfortable
5	Mature	N	+	Thank you	Sincere	Polite conversation
6	Young adult	N	=	Thank you	Programmed	NA
7	Young adult	N	~+	Thank you	Programmed	Friendlier than before
8	Young adult	N	=	Thank you	Programmed	NA
9	Mature	N	+	Thank you	Sincere	NA
10	Young adult	N	+	Thank you	Sincere	Friendly conversation, told me history of item
11	Senior	Y	~+	Thank you	Sincere	Little happier
12	Senior	Y	~+	Thank you	Programmed	Little happier
13	Mature	Y	-+	Thank you	Sincere	Nervous giggle, deflected conversation (modest)
14	Teen	N	=	Thank you	Programmed	NA
15	Adult	N	+	Oh, thank you	Sincere	NA
16	Teen	N	=	Thanks	Programmed	Didn't even look at me
17	Mature	N	=	Thanks	Programmed	NA
18	Mature	Y	+=	Thanks	Programmed	Little giggle
19	Teen	Y	+	Thank you	Sincere	Told me history of item
20	Adult	Y	+=	Thanks	Programmed	Little giggle
21	Adult	Y	+	Thanks	Programmed	NA